Irish joke

Paddy’s pregnant sister was in a terrible car accident and went into a deep coma.

After being in the coma for nearly six months, she wakes up and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, ‘Ma’am, you had twins; a boy and a girl! The babies are fine now, but they were poorly at birth and had to be christened immediately. Your brother came in and named them.’

The woman thinks to herself, ‘Oh suffering Jesus no, not mi’ brother! He’s a bloody clueless ignoramus!’

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, ‘Well, what’s my daughter’s name?’

‘Denise,’ says the doctor. The new mother is totally relieved.

‘Wow, that’s a beautiful name, I guess I was wrong about my brother. I like Denise.’

Then she asks, ‘What’s the boy’s name?’

‘Denephew.’

LightBot walkthrough and help

LightBotLightBot is a new Flash game that’s played in your internet browser. You control a robot by giving it commands using a mouse to drag commands into the slots.

This is my walkthrough for each 12 levels of LightBot. It may not always be the most elegant solution, but they should all work. Hope it helps.

Game is here: http://armorgames.com/play/2205/light-bot

If you like LightBot, try Kick Ass Game on Facebook.

Level 1

Main Method

walk, walk, on

Level 2

Main Method

right, walk, left, walk
walk, walk, walk, left
walk, on

Level 3

Main Method

walk, jump, jump, walk
on, left, walk, on
walk, on

Level 4

Main Method

walk, jump, jump, walk
right, walk, walk, walk
walk, walk, on

Level 5

Main Method

jump, walk, walk, left
walk, walk, walk, left
jump, jump, jump, on

Level 6

Main Method

walk, f2, right, f2
on, jump, right, f1
right, right, f1, f1

Function 1

walk, walk, walk, on

Function 2

jump, jump

Level 7

Main Method

f1, f1, right, walk
right, f1, f1

Function 1

on, walk, on, walk
on, walk, on, walk

Level 8

Main Method

jump, walk, on, walk
walk, right, f1, f1,
on, f2, f2

Function 1

on, walk, walk, on
walk, walk, right

Function 2

walk, walk, on, right

Level 9

Main Method

jump, left, jump, f1
f1, f1, f1

Function 1

jump, on, walk, on
jump, on, right

Level 10

Main Method

f1, left, jump, left
walk, right, jump, walk,
walk, on, left, f2

Function 1

walk, walk, walk, jump
left, jump, jump

Function 2

jump, left, f1, right
jump, jump, walk, on

Level 11

Main Method

f1, f1, f1, f2
f2, walk, right, jump
right, f1, f1, f1

Function 1

f2, left, jump, left
f2, right, jump, right

Function 2

on walk on walk
on walk on

Level 12

Main Method

walk, jump, f1, f2
right, f2, right, jump
on, jump, on

Function 1

f2, right, f2, right
f2, right, f2

Function 2

jump, on, jump, on
jump, on

If you like LightBot, try Kick Ass Game on Facebook.

Equivalent Yarn and Hook Sizes

I get easily confused with all the different yarn and hook sizes that are on the internet. Australia and New Zealand’s labelling is different to the US and different to the UK. It would be nice if one day all countries can agree on one standard for labelling yarn and hook, but in the meantime, here’s a table to help de-mystify the different nomenclature.

Yarn

AU/NZ USA UK
3ply Super Fine, Sock, Fingering, Baby Yarn Jumper Weight
4ply Super Fine, Sock, Fingering, Baby Yarn Jumper Weight
5ply Super Fine, Sock, Fingering, Baby Yarn Jumper Weight
8ply Fine, Sport Weight, Baby Yarn Sports Weight
8ply Light, DK, Light Worsted Yarn Double Knitting (DK)
10ply Medium, Worsted Weight, Afgan, Aran Aran
12ply
13ply Bulky, Chunky, Craft, Rug Yarn
14ply Super Bulky, Roving Yarn

Needle

mm USA UK
3.50 E-4
3.75 F-5 9
4.25 G-6
5.00 H-8 6
5.50 I-9 5
6.00 J-10 4
6.50 K-10.5 3
9.00 N-13 00
10.00 P-15 000
15.00 Q-19 00000
19.00 S-35

Amigurumi Out and About

A couple of my amigurumi friends have gone out and about for a little bit.

Monty took a ride with me in a car. He’s helping me steer here:

Monty taking a ride

Scotty decided that my pocket was a good place to hang out for a while.

Scotty in my pocket

Please meet Oscar plus 2

I love making new amigurumi pals. Must be why I’m churning them out.

This here is Oscar the pink bunny. He started out as a fuzzy cat but then I realised the arms and legs of the fuzzy cat was way way way too big for the body as the pattern indicated. That’s probably because I was using normal yarn and not fuzzy yarn for the body. So with the “too small” body, joined on arms and legs that I made up myself. I’ll post the pattern later, I have all the stitches per round written down but it’s in my short-hand so no one will understand it if I post it as is.
Oscar the bunny

Here’s a white Gabu. Don’t ask me what a Gabu is, you’ll have to ask the maker of the pattern. He was started early on as well, but I decided to pull out all his stitches and start him again. If you compare his stitches to the mouse below, you can tell that my single crochets are getting better.
White Gabu

I started this little guy ages ago. He was one of the first things I crocheted but never finished him until recently. You can tell he’s an early creation because his stitches are really inconsistent and loose.
White Mouse

I notice that all my amigurumi’s are male…

Kids’ Science Exam Answers (Humour)

Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Premature death.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? (e.g., abdomen.)
A: The body is consisted into three parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels, A, E, I O, and U.
Q: What is the fibula?
A: A small lie.
Q: What does “varicose” mean?
A: Nearby.
Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarean Section”
A: The Caesarean Section is a district in Rome.
Q: What does the word “benign” mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter

Ubisoft have been producing one of my favourite game series of all time. The Ghost Recon: Advanced Warfighter (GRAW) series of games are the second generation Ghost Recon games for the second generation consoles (Xbox 360 and PS3).

GRAW is a military shooter game set in the not so distant future. It’s got great looking graphics, especially the lighting effects, and great sound and atmosphere. Everything in the game goes well together to create a seamless, realistic experience that you can almost feel the bullets flying by your ear.

GRAW and GRAW 2 became my favourite game because of the multiplayer Live games. I think it takes a special kind of person to not get bored with playing GRAW online night after night. It’s action is not as fast as other multiplayer online shooters, which is probably why I like it. You also get the feeling that good team communication leads to the the team winning.

There are some rumours going around that GRAW 3 be out in March 2009, but they’re just rumours at this point. Mind you, many GRAW players would love a GRAW 3, although we’re not sure how they’ll be improving it since it’s already so awesome. Then again, I said the same thing about GRAW 2. Ubisoft have been really quiet about all this, so we’ll just have to wait and see.

Amigurumi update

I’m having such an uninspired blog title finding moment… but regardless, here are the latest amigurumis.

I started this fellow ages ago, but didn’t have any eyes and didn’t want to stitch them on, so I ordered some eyes from craft.com.au and they arrived earlier this week so he could be finished. Only problem is that he looks a little evil. He was made using a pattern for a set of cupcake animals.

Cupcake Bunny

I made another frog using the frog pattern I wrote up the other day. His legs ended up longer than expected so I had to attach them higher on his body. I think it makes him look more froggy. He’s nameless at the moment, but his brother (the first frog) is called Monty.

Monty's Bro

Here’s Monty and his bro…

Monty and his bro

Lastly, I made this bear using this pattern and intended to give it away as a present. Well, turns out I got a little too attached to this fella and couldn’t part with him. His name is Scotty.

Scotty Bear