Sue Zann Toh

Men are like Laxatives… They irritate the crap out of you.

Men are like Bananas… The older they get, the less firm they are.

Men are like Weather… Nothing can be done to change them.

Men are like Blenders… You need one, but you’re not quite sure why.

Men are like Chocolate Bars… Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like Commercials… You can’t believe all they say.

Men are like Department Stores… Their clothes are always 1/2 off.

Men are like Government Bonds… They take soooooooo long to mature.

Men are like Mascara… They usually run at the first sign of emotion.

Men are like Popcorn… They satisfy you, but only for a little while.

Men are like Snowstorms… You never know when they’re coming, how many inches you’ll get or how long it will last.

Men are like Lava Lamps… Fun to look at, but not very bright.

Men are like Parking Spots… All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

I found this little tid bit from David Jaffe’s blog about the director of the upcoming God of War movie. It’s not a major thing, but it rules out a certain director.

Question from a visitor:

i read a rumor just now that said that paul verhoeven is going to direct the god of war movie. bogus, but man, that would be tight.

David Jaffe responds:

I would LOVE PV to make it..but I am pretty sure it won’t happen based on what I know about the project.

Paul Verhoeven has directed famous movies such as:

• Starship Troopers
• Showgirls
• Basic Instinct
• Total Recall
• RoboCop

Finally! At long last! Resident Evil 4 has come to the Playstation 2. Ok, this isn’t such new news since it’s released in Australia since November 4th, 2005, but nevertheless, it’s still worth a mention because it’s an absolutely fabulous game! (more…)

The following questions are from potential visitors to Australia. They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials, who obviously have a sense of humour.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, how do the plants grow? (UK).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you’ve been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it’s only three thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So it’s true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we’ll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It’s a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It’s called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don’t stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: only at Christmas.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you’ll have to learn it first.

Yet another video game is being turned into a Hollywood production, this time it’s the Playstation 2 exclusive game, God of War.

God of War is an action adventure video game geared towards to adult market. It’s definitely not for kids as the amount of violence, blood and gore, nudity and strong language was even almost (!) too much for me. God of War is set in ancient, mythological Greece where you play as the ex-Spartan warrior, Kratos, on his revenge driven journey to take down the God of War himself, Ares.

Variety magazine has reported that Universal Studios have picked up the rights to turn God of War into a movie. Charles Roven and Alex Gartner of Mosaic Media Group will be producing the God of War movie, other than that, not much details are known. The writer for the script, director and casting choices has not been selected.

Roven told Variety,

We’ve been enthralled by this project since our first time playing the game in March and realized its narrative had great potential for large-screen production.

Who will be Kratos?

Kratos is the much-loved anti-hero of God of War and the question of casting a suitable actor for this role is in the forefront on my mind.

Some actors that come to mind:

• Vin Diesel
• The Rock (a.k.a. Dwayne Douglas Johnson)
• Jason Statham

Many will no doubt think of Vin Diesel first, I know I’m not excluded from this group, but I think The Rock or Jason Statham may make a better cast. Although I like Vin Diesel, he can some times come off looking dopey, and Kratos should never look dopey!

David Jaffe’s Involvement

David Jaffe, the game director of God of War, will also be involved in the movie, not as the writer, but probably more in the role of advisor or consultant.

Am I involved? I am. I am not writing the script or anything but I am involved in making sure the movie is true enough to the game that fans of the game will be happy

David Jaffe also mentions in his blog that he knows who the scriptwriter will be, although he couldn’t and wouldn’t divulge this information.

I’ve seen the name of the writer they are going after…I can’t spill the beans but he’s done some damn fine shit! Hope he signs on…I meet with him next week!

Serious, I can’t talk about details but I think it will be darn good. The writer who is on board is AMAZING!

As for his views on who should be cast as Kratos, he’s more interested as who will be the director, though he does mention that Vin Diesel or The Rock are obvious choices for the role.

David Jaffe’s Blog Post on the God of War Movie

Remember The Matrix movie trilogy by the Wachowski brothers? Well, it looks like the end of the third movie, The Matrix: Revolutions, was not the end of the franchise.

In addition to The Matrix movies, there was also a series nine animated Matrix short stories called, Animatrix. The Wachowski brothers had an interested in Japanese anime and had the nine Animatrix stories done in nine different anime styles.

The second movie in the trilogy, The Matrix: Reloaded, saw the release of The Matrix video game, Enter The Matrix. The game itself wasn’t the greatest ever made, but the story gave an alternate, behind-the-movie-scene view of what was going on from the Niobe’s and Ghost’s point of view during the Reloaded movie.

The last Matrix movie was released in 2003 and many had heard that the Matrix story was going to end there. Not so. Two years after what we all thought was the end of the Matrix, the Wachowski brothers have come up with a new video game, The Matrix: Path of Neo.

In The Matrix: Path of Neo, gamers now play as the hero himself. The story is nothing original, you’ll follow the story of the entire Matrix trilogy as you run around as Neo in the Matrix world, with Matrix physics, and try to save Zion. Players will most likely come across all the familiar and famous scenes in the Matrix, such as the train battle with Mr Smith from the first movie.

The Matrix: Path of Neo will be coming out on November 11, 2005 and will be available on Playstation, Playstation 2, Xbox and PC.

Tim Tams are my most favourite chocolate biscuits, possibly ever. They’re made by Arnotts and from what I’ve been told, aren’t easily available other than in Australia.

This isn’t strictly a recipe, but more of a way of eating these delicious chocolate treats. This Tim Tam “eating technique” has been called Tim Tam Slams and Tim Tam Torpedos.

Ingredients

• Tim Tams, any flavour you like, but Original is probably the best
• Cup of coffee, black or white

Instructions

1. Bite off opposite/diagonal corners of the Tim Tam biscuit
2. Use the Tim Tam as a straw and suck the coffee through the biscuit
3. As soon as the coffee reaches your mouth, pop the whole Tim Tam into your mouth.

The Tim Tam is going to melt pretty quickly, so don’t hold onto it for too long or it’ll drop into your coffee! You should get a pleasant chocolate explosion in your mouth. Enjoy!

Buy Tim Tams from Aussie Products.

Unbelievably, the High Court of Australia has today ruled that mod chips are legal… again.

For those who don’t know the history of this case, here’s a very brief summary of the mod chip battle between small business owner, Eddy Stevens and the electronics giant, Sony.

The legal battle started in 2001, when Sony filed a suit against Stevens, and has been ongoing for four years. In 2002, the Federal Court ruled that mod chips were not in breach of copyright and therefore were legal. Sony appealed this decision and won their appeal, therefore making mod chips illegal. Stevens then appealed to the High Court, which unanimously ruled on Steven’s side and mod chips are now deemed legal again in Australia.

I can remember the first ruling in September 2002 where mod chips were deemed legal, there was almost a mad rush to get your console “chipped”. Then soon after the courts ruled on Sony’s side and all of a sudden everyone was worried that they now have a chipped console.

I found it amazing that back in 2002, Australia (possibly the only country in the world) could find that mod chips are legal. I still find today’s news amazing, but I can see the reasoning behind the latest ruling and Stevens’ lawyers did successfully argue the two issues in this case.

The first issue is whether mod chips circumvent a technological protection measure and therefore breach the Copyright Act. The second issue is whether the act of playing a pirated video game breaches the Copyright Act (playing a game requires data to be copied from the disk to the RAM of the console) where game makers didn’t granted a licence to copy the pirated data on to the RAM.

Steven’s argument for the first issue was that making a pirated copy of a video game was illegal, but using a mod chip to play a pirated video game wasn’t. His argument for the second issue was that people simply playing a video game didn’t mean they were making an illegal copy of the game on the console. The High Court ruled on Steven’s side on both issues and so mod chips are legal to use again.

Read the Full High Court Judgement in the case of Stevens v Kabushiki Kaisha Sony Computer Entertainment.

Recently a “Husband Superstore” opened where women could go to choose a husband. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD to choose a man from that floor. If you went up a floor, you couldn’t go back down except to leave the place, never to return.

A couple of women went to the shopping centre to find some husbands.

First floor: The door had a sign saying, “These men have jobs and love kids.” The women read the sign and said, “Well, that’s better than not having a job or not loving kids, but I wonder what’s further up?” So up they went.

Second floor: The sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “Hmmm,” said the ladies, “but, I wonder what’s further up?”

Third floor: This sign read, “These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love kids and help with the housework.” “Wow,” said the women, “very tempting.” But there was another floor, so further up they went.

Fourth floor: This door had a sign saying “These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak.” “Oh, mercy me,” they cried, “just think what must be awaiting us further on!”

So up to the fifth floor they went.

Fifth floor The sign on that door said, “This floor is empty and exists only to prove that women are impossible to please. The exit is to your left, we hope you fall down the stairs.”

Two weeks ago was my 45th birthday and I wasn’t feeling too good that morning. I went to breakfast knowing my wife would be pleasant and say, “happy Birthday!”, and probably would have a present for me.

As it turned out, she didn’t even say good morning, let alone any happy birthday. I thought, well, that’s wives for you, the children will remember….

The children came in to breakfast and didn’t say a word.

So when I left for the office, I was feeling pretty low and despondent…

As I walked into my office, my secretary Janet said, “Good morning boss, Happy Birthday’. And I felt a little better that someone had remembered.

I worked until noon, then Janet knocked on my door and said, “You know, it’s such a beautiful day outside, and it’s your birthday, let’s go to lunch, just you and me”.

I said, “By George, that’s the greatest thing I’ve heard all day. “Let’s go!” We went to lunch. We didn’t go where we normally go; instead we went out to a private little place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously. on the way back to the office, she said, “you know, it’s such a beautiful day. We don’t need to go back to the office, do we?”

I said, “No, I guess not.” She said, “Let’s go to my apartment”.

After arriving at her apartment she said, “Boss, if you don’t mind, I think I’ll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable”.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake - followed by my wife, children and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.

And I just sat there, on the couch, naked…….